masturbation lane, chennai


where are we?


since we cannot communicate with the people of this part of chennai, we have a lot of questions about what all of this actually means.

it was simple. we needed a break, going all the way from north of india to the very tip of the south. so we thought -"let's make a stop, have some rest, chill out for a bit..." and so it went. as normal people do, we looked online for a normal guesthouse, and we thought we found one, normal-looking, maybe a bit too good to be true regarding the cleanliness on the pictures, but you know, we thought...india, you know, it'll be what it is.

so off the train we came and into an auto-rickshaw we went. the driver couldn't really place the address, but after some help, he managed to get us there. the guesthouse was located in a small lane, filled with other guesthouses, little eateries and coffee shops, and several internet-places.

we found a room, we checked in, we went out for coffee and food. we were happy. at night we went out, we found beer and western food, and had a bizarrely strange evening. in the midst of poverty and leprosy there is a thriving community of westernized, modern, polished young crowd, who seem miles away from what the streets display.

we got home late at night and thought there was a power-cut, so went to sleep in the dark. the next morning, the even stranger reality of masturbation lane started to hit us in the face. what we had not really had time to discover before, was the fact that the whole lane was frequented by men, and men exclusively.
we also realised that hotel was used by men, and men exclusively. the restaurants, men.. the coffee shops, men... and the internet cafes: you got it. men, men, and more men.
it was slightly funny at first. ha ha, funny, look at all these men. then the funny feeling became "funny" as in "strange". what's up with all the men??
the internet cafes has got tiny little booths enclosing each computer. the web menu, if scrolled down, reveals sites such as "sexindia.com". what do all these men do? all together in a lane full of hotels and eateries and internet cafes and coffee shops...

we know!!! they masturbate! they come here for masturbation holidays!

and one might think that the presence of two western women would maybe inspire the masturbation process, but nope. they completely ignore us, and if they look, it is with childish curiosity, nothing else. one crowd of boys walked past us yesterday, and one of them broke free, and started running toward us; but his masturbation friends pulled him back into his gang and he was saved back into the masturbation world. the staff at the masturbation guesthouse did not reply to our good mornings and hellos, so we gave up on even trying and we now walk past them without them even raising their eyes. we disturb the masturbation peace. it is a fact. masturbation lane has been invaded by two western women and the energy is now destroyed. the inspiration to masturbate together in masturbation lane will come back one day, but only once those two invading, colonizing, peace-breaking and home-wrecking western girls are long, long gone.

we are so, so sorry, and we do indeed send our most heartfelt apologies to all the men of Masturbation Lane. WE WILL NEVER COME BACK.