isn't that weird? we live in a hibernating state of cold and dark and long for the light- but when it arrives, some of us get tired, so tired...the eyelids seem to carry heavy buckets of water and all we want is sleep. as if we didn't do enough of that in the endless, dark cave of winter...
but it happened to me; last week i was so tired, i took a siesta each afternoon despite my 7-8 hours of sleep each night, and i even cheated at work, in the massage-chair, and stole some sleep while getting paid. bad girl! but i just couldn't help myself.
i need to cut my hair!
if i don't cut my hair, i'll rip it off!
i wanted an immediate appointment, but evidently there were more people in Lund cutting their hair that specific afternoon. oh well.
i had to wait two days.
and then it came off.
and the dull winter colour was enlightened. literally.
i came out looking like a polish zebra, but they say it will even out with washing and sun. i hope so! i HATE striped hair. it looks VERY polish. and i can say that because i AM polish, you cannot, ok?!
a parallell reality, there are so many lives i could have lived, but i chose this. the possibilities are endless and i am so grateful i have a choice. i am truly free. in theory, at least.
sometimes i wish my mind would also be free- completely blue, vast and endless like the sky this morning, with lines temporarily created by a passing flight, only to evaporate slowly, without leaving a trace or an imprint.
getting there, well, at least, i'm working on it.
His Holiness the Dalai Lamai came to little Lund.
as soon as he stepped onto the stage i felt my heart expand all the way up to my eyes and push water out of them.
big tears rolled down my cheeks, and i was a bit embarassed. no one else around me seemed to be crying.
i cried all the way through, when i didn't giggle at his childlike laugh. what an amazing energy, what a huge soul. i have no idea what he said; his words did not matter. it was his presence, his facial expressions, his body language and the tone of his voice.
i cried and felt like my life is so small.
i bother myself with such small, meaningless things.
he put it all into perspective.
after, i went shopping. at the veggie-department, i caught my own face in a mirror.
i saw my eyes, filled with new light, filled with perspective. possibly lit up by my new blonde stripes; but more possibly sparked by that something that the Dalai Lama did to me.
thank you, amazing soul.
i needed to soften everything with warm water and fragrant oil.
it is good to be reminded how my life is actually, at times, pathetic- because of the actually non-existent problems that i, myself, have created. outside of me, everything is absolutely perfect. the struggle is within. i see it happening, and i try to only observe. i try to make the absurdities of my mind into passing flights, crossing the sky of my mind, leaving no trace as they evaporate steadily.