no one said it would be easy
it's just not that easy to do what we dreamed of doing.
things are looking different in reality than how they are looking in the dream.
the dream never really shows the hard moments, the difficulties, the sadness and the loneliness.
but we still have to go ahead and try out our dreams, and not let the difficult moments stop us.
I wore a mask of tranquility and trust. I was the one convincing others that all would be fine. of course I would be fine! in the dream it was all perfect, and fun.
once here, I feel a bit lonely, a bit on the outside, like the city is vibrating and I am not in the vibe.
I am the one outside of the rollercoaster, trying to jump on, but it's moving too fast, and I don't really manage...but I will- I cannot give up. this is my dream, and I have to keep reminding myself that this was what I wanted, and I did understand that it wouldn't be easy.
on friday afternoon, after having spent three long days of wandering, getting lost, looking, and finding, I went to see an apartment that just felt RIGHT. it was as if I KNEW; because as soon as I had seen it, I relaxed, I took a beath, and I started wandering around the city, and I started taking pictures. and at one point, sitting close to the sagrada familia, on a buzzing street filled with families and people enjoying their friday night, I started falling in love with Barcelona.
soon after, however, I had a strong realization over a glass of Rioja, on the balcony of the dear, beautiful, sweet people that have opened their home to me for this beginning of mine.
once you find what you have been dreaming about and what you were looking for, the real work begins.
I saw my future home; the perfect apartment of my dreams, and I am signing the contract of this place in a few days- but it is now that the work begins. there's not a single piece of furniture, there's no washing machine, and there's the narrowest possiblest most antiquest ever staircase leading up to the third floor. and I barely have any cash left, once the rent and the fees and the deposit all will be paid, the REAL work will begin.
and that's just an example- the apartment.
I applied this to other dreams; love, work, places... and realised, that the looking is pure pleasure, like leisure. like browsing. easy shopping with a bank account freshly laced with salary.
to then look after your dream, and keep it alive while living it, is the REAL work.
i have no choice but to JUST DO IT. the fear is something I will just have to observe, and not react to.