saturday morning


saturday morning.
i woke up alone.
toilet. try to reason with myself for why i need to stay awake and not go back to sleep.
i would have loved to go back to sleep and sleep away this rainy saturday.
wait for better times to come.

it's one of those days. one of those chunks of days when everything feels like it is a big dark heavy something. do all people have them? or just some? do some people wake up happy every day?

i want to escape, escape to anywhere, i want to be anywhere but here.
on a sunny island in thailand, for example, eating som tam and mango with salt-sugar-chili.
or in new york, in a museum, then stepping onto the wet and shiny pavement, only to step into a burger joint. i would have a big fat burger and a milkshake. just like in the movies.

escape the now. fabulous!
but i can't. i don't have the option. i chose to be here now. how can being here now be the hardest thing there is? well, it is, anyway.

rain in barcelona. barcelona looks different in the rain.
barcelona looks different when you don't have a job. barcelona looks different from the outside and different from the inside.

escape this rainy outside saturday.
bonjour tristesse.