biutiful: my life 9 months later
i have lived here for 9 months.
i have struggled through Spanish classes, getting an internet connection in my flat, (not to speak about finding the flat, and getting it furnished!), starting a Master Degree in Photojournalism (in Spanish!), finding my first job- which i got fired from, finding a temporary job from Sweden, going to Sweden to work for Christmas, New Years & my Birthday, finding another job which i left......
i came here with €4000 and a backpack.
quite a risk.
but i had a dream.
which i needed to fulfill.
before i die.
so i am here.
living my dream.
i read somewhere once that "every accomplished dream is an ambition that is dying"
i got scared when i read this.
it was many years ago.
i now know better.
if you ask me, i'd say that "every accomplished dream is a door, which opened into a whole new dream, and so it goes on and on"
Sitting in the sun at the Macbah the other day, i felt so alive, so present, and so, so lucky to be here right now.
i wanted all my life to do something, but i believed i wasn't good enough. that i didn't deserve it.
but i woke up one day and realized that it is what remains. THE DREAM.
i even had to lie down for a bit, to take it all in.
i am living my dream.
i wanted this.
i made it happen.
with my own two hands.
and my heart's intention.
the dreams brought me to where i am today.
Seeing the Mediterranean windowshutters with the emerging blossoms in the foreground, makes me so indescribably happy.
this is what i wanted for my life.
i dreamed of a life full of windowshutters and blossoms in early springs.
i am here now, and i live here.
it still feels as if i'm waiting for my life to begin, just like it felt when i was 16 and dreamed of the future. but sometimes, somedays, i get a glimpse of reality:
THIS IS IT.
IT IS HAPPENING.
THIS IS MY LIFE.
DON'T MISS IT, LINDA LINDA.
DON'T MISS IT.
The afternoon sun hitting the newborn leaves on the empty quiet siesta street.
i can't help but stop and admire this dramatic act of nature.
nature knows. there is a time for everything.
my time is now, my dream is happening. it's a dramatic act of human nature.
i struggled, i really struggled. i had some of the worst moments of my life so far here in Barcelona, here in my dream.
but i guess i had to go through the fire. to test how much i wanted this.
rewards for the struggle.
waves of good moments, waves of bad ones.
have to accept both.
can't have one without the other.
this too, shall pass.
up, then down, then up then...
purple flowers, deep blue sky.
spring and blossom, new beginnings, promises of summer breezes and soft winds.
life is new again and we have a new season to fulfill.
i thought about it many times, but never really seriously.
i am here, i am still here. in this dream, opening the doors to new dreams, opening the doors to new dream, to new dreams, to dreams...